A Conversation Between
by Gage93
Summary: A post-ep fic for Forget Me Not. Nick makes a little phone call.


**A/N: **I have to give thanks to a busy life and to les habs for putting together a great week+ and distracting me from all the G/S angst floating around over the past week. Inevitably though, Wednesday had to come, the Habs had to have the night off, and I had to, with great anxiety, watch CSI.

I actually had tears streaming out of my eyes as I wrote this, it was so difficult to write. I haven't even been able to edit it, so I'm sorry if it is filled with mistakes. "Forget Me Not" was a difficult episode to come to terms with, and I'm not sure if I will ever be able to, but here is my attempt.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own CSI, but I never have wanted to more. If I did, it would be a sure bet that a fic like this wouldn't be coming out right now.

**Spoilers:** Anything up to and including Forget Me Not

**A Conversation Between….**

He wasn't sure what compelled him to do it. To pick up the phone and call Grissom. Maybe it was that he still wanted to maintain that connection to Grissom, that connection he'd told Sara about when he'd said that that was probably why he liked the idea of she and Grissom together. Maybe he was afraid that connection would sever, and he needed to preserve it. The connection to the man who'd been his boss, his mentor, the man he'd worked so hard to impress and had wanted to impress so badly. The man he looked to as almost another father. Maybe Nick still wanted to be the man who could be there for people, who could be there for Grissom as well as for Sara. Maybe he just wanted to know how Grissom was coping.

Or maybe it was guilt. Guilt that he hadn't been the friend to Sara that he should have been for all those years. Sure, he'd been her friend, cared for her as a friend, gone out for the occasional drink with her, but he hadn't been the friend that he'd been to Warrick, or Catherine, or Dr. Ray, or Greg, or even Grissom. And he knew why that was. Sara had always been the competition, from the moment she'd arrived in Las Vegas.

It was hard for him, always wanting to be the person people could rely upon, depend upon and to see somebody else getting the notice he'd so desperately longed for. At first it had been Warrick, Warrick who he used to bet with and compete with on every single case they'd worked together. It was Warrick, insightful Warrick, who'd received the bulk of Grissom's attention, back in the days when Nick was really trying and needing to be that guy. And just when Warrick screws up, and Nick had never wanted Warrick to ever screw up, but just when it happened, when Nick was being promoted to CSI level 3, and feeling like he was standing on his own, Sara, brilliant, cerebral Sara, showed up and captured the nearly all the attention Grissom had reserved for his CSIs. So, Nick competed with her, all while working with her and befriending her and genuinely liking her, and holding just a touch of resentment for the connection she shared with Grissom.

Not that he hadn't outgrown that. He had. He'd grown in his own time, but there were years when he'd still felt he had to prove himself, so he'd complained about not being given the chance to just show what he could do, all because he did what he did so that he could make Grissom proud. It was wanting to be that guy for Grissom, not wanting to let Grissom down, that had him competing with Warrick and with Sara in the first place. He hadn't been able to stand the fact that Warrick and Sara were ready before him, that Sara who had just started at the lab was someone Grissom could trust, when Grissom couldn't trust him. It had stopped him, for years, from being the friend Sara really needed. When it came to her, back in those early years, he'd have to admit that sometimes he was a bit of an ass. He'd whined about not getting solos and being handed easy cases. He'd complained about Grissom for years, even as he revered him and wanted to prove himself to the man, and Sara had always listened, despite her being in love with that same man. And when Sara wanted to vent, he'd always shut her down. Told her it was her job to do whatever her supervisor asked, no matter how much she might not like it.

Maybe, he thought, if he'd known back then, about her feelings for Grissom, things might have been different. Maybe he'd have let her vent, knowing that her frustrations didn't just stem from Grissom's supervision, but from Grissom. Sure, Nick didn't really have much of a clue, but it didn't change the fact that he should have been a better friend regardless. She'd always been there for him.

So maybe that was what had his thumb scrolling through his contacts and seeking out his former supervisor's name. It was time to protect Sara and be there for her. In the past, he'd always figured she hadn't needed protecting. She'd always been so strong and so independent and even when he'd grown past viewing her as competition and really viewed her as a friend, often times, he still hadn't been there for her. Greg was the one who'd always been there, always had her back, Greg and…Grissom. Now, Nick felt he needed to be the one to be there for her, and he'd gotten off to a pretty good start over the past few days, keeping her from getting physically hurt. Keeping her from getting killed. And he had to keep on protecting her.

Not that he was going to level Grissom with any kind of speech or anything. If it were Catherine in his place, he was sure she'd give Grissom an earful, but Grissom didn't deserve that. Nick just wanted Grissom to know that it took until now for Sara to be able to even tell them of the separation, and only because circumstances practically forced it upon her.

He hadn't really expected Grissom to answer, not when he knew that Sara often had trouble reaching her husband, so when Grissom picked up on the second ring and greeted him by name, it took a long second to respond.

"Hi Grissom," he began, pausing for a moment. He knew Grissom would expect him say why he called, if Grissom couldn't already guess, so before Grissom could fill in that pause, he blurted it out. "I, uh, heard about you and Sara."

"I see," Grissom responded, and there was another moment of silence before Grissom spoke again. "Nick…"

"I guess I…" he said, cutting Grissom off before Grissom could continue. Man, this was the most awkward conversation he'd ever had with the man, and given that it was Grissom, that was actually really saying something. Nick let out a breath. "I just wanted to hear how you were doing."

There was a pause on the line. Then, quietly, "I'm okay."

Nick felt himself nodding. Grissom was coping, probably in the same way Grissom had always coped, silently and independently. Like Sara.

And like Sara, Grissom was probably struggling with it too. Nick knew how much Grissom had loved Sara. He'd seen it when Sara had been kidnapped and after Sara had left Vegas. Nick also knew that Grissom still loved her. He knew it. He knew that Grissom had to still care for her, despite deciding it was time for them to call it a day and go their separate ways. Those feelings would linger for a long time in anyone, and in Grissom, loving her the way he had, opening up to her the way he had…Nick knew Grissom would always love her.

On the other end of the phone, there were some deep breaths. They sounded pained, if a breath could sound pained. "How is she?" Grissom asked quietly.

_How is she? _What could he say to that? Tell Grissom that she was taking sleeping pills and had begun drinking a little more than she should again? Tell Grissom that some sociopath that had begun stalking her had used her separation to set her up for murder and attempt to kill her legally? That Sara had been in that position because she'd been in the hotel room of a man she'd only been with so that she wouldn't feel alone on her birthday? He couldn't lay that guilt on Grissom. It wouldn't be fair to lay that kind of guilt on Grissom. Grissom didn't deserve that, and he was probably having a hard enough time himself. Nick wondered if maybe he should let Grissom know a little of what had happened, not the details, but that Sara had been through something and needed him, because he knew that Sara needed Grissom more than anybody else at the moment. He didn't say that either. That was for Sara to do herself, and he really didn't want Sara angry at him right now.

"Nick?" Grissom's voice, slightly anxious, came ringing through the phone and Nick realized that he'd been standing there silently, for who knows how long, clutching his cell in a death-like grip without responding to Grissom's question. He moved to speak, but there was something lodged in his throat, something that made it terribly hard to get any words out.

"Nick?" Grissom's voice came again and he could hear the anxiety level increase.

Clearing his throat, he forced a word out. "She's…" The middle finger and thumb on his free hand came up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He closed his eyes. "She's…been struggling."

It was silent on the other end. Silent, but for the sound of a deep breath being taken. He could picture Grissom on the other end, silent, probably brooding. Running a hand through his hair. Maybe even pinching the bridge of his nose, just like Nick was still doing. "We…"

"You missed her birthday," Nick said in a rush, not knowing what possessed him to say it and immediately feeling bad for it.

He could hear Grissom let out another breath. "I sent her a text."

Nick dropped his hand from his face. He wasn't sure whether to laugh or to cry. The saddest thing about it was that Grissom probably just didn't realize…

"I know," he said, "but she was kind of expecting…hoping…you'd show up and when you never…" He stopped. He was saying way too much again and he knew it and he wanted to stop himself and didn't want to stop himself.

"I didn't know she expected me to be there," he heard Grissom whisper, his voice catching. "I didn't know she'd want me there."

She still loves you, Nick wanted to say, but knew he shouldn't. Instead he let silence descend once again over their conversation.

"What happened when I never showed up?" Grissom asked, his voice still so quiet. There was a slight pause. "You never finished that sentence, Nick. What happened when I never showed up?"

Grissom's voice had come through so pained, and Nick didn't know how to respond. He shouldn't have said anything, shouldn't have let that sentence trail off like that.

"What happened, Nick?"

Anxiety had returned to Grissom's voice, mingling with the pain. He knew it was hurting Grissom to be so far away and not know what was going on with Sara. He knew it was difficult for Grissom to hear that Sara wasn't doing well, and Nick wanted to tell Grissom everything. Still, he couldn't do that to Grissom, or to Sara, so instead, "I think you should call her."

"Nick…"

"She needs her best friend right now," Nick continued, tears in his eyes. "And it isn't me. It isn't even Greg, and as close as she's become to DB and Finn and Morgan, it's not one of them either. I don't really know what happened with the two of you and it's none of my business, but I think you really need to call her."

Finally he'd said what he'd needed to, said what he'd actually called Grissom for. He knew that as much as he wanted to be there for Sara, he wasn't what she needed, and he was okay with that, okay with not being that guy. If she needed somebody to talk to after she spoke with Grissom, he could be there for her then. If Grissom would only call her.

It was silent on the other end of the phone again. As Nick stood there waiting, he could picture Grissom on the other side, still either running his hand through his hair or pinching the bridge of his nose, going over everything Nick had said. In a moment of intuition, Nick could even feel Grissom nodding.

"I've only ever wanted her to be happy," Grissom finally whispered.

"I know," Nick returned quietly, because he did know, and perhaps that was what made this all so hard.


End file.
